Meles writes Obama. By Yilma Bekele.

January 28th, 2010 Print Print Email Email

To my dear friend Barack Obama. I hope this letter finds you well. We are doing fine here in this location that will stay nameless. Except for that little matter of famine, deflation and inflation most things are under control thanks to the Pentagon, IMF, World Bank and hodam Diaspora. (more…)

To my dear friend Barack Obama. I hope this letter finds you well. We are doing fine here in this location that will stay nameless. Except for that little matter of famine, deflation and inflation most things are under control thanks to the Pentagon, IMF, World Bank and hodam Diaspora.

I am writing you this letter to console you on that little loss your party suffered in Massachusetts. I feel your pain. On the other hand I feel compelled to share with you the art of election, politics and staying in power.

My dear Barrack, I am really sorry for not contacting you earlier to share my misgivings regarding your sincere and shallow view of elections. Bereket and myself have long concluded that your candidate was going to lose. I tried to call and warn you plenty of times but as usual most circuits were busy. You have only been in office one year. Take it from a person who has been in charge for over eighteen years governing is not a simple matter. We in this nameless place know it is not for the faint hearted.

I understand you have mid year elections coming. I hope the debacle in Mass. Has opened your eyes. I would like to share my experience and offer a few suggestions at this time. You might not be aware of it but I was put in the same predicament a while back. It was the first time I tasted the bitter medicine of defeat and humiliation. I was forced to kill a few and jail a lot. I don’t want you to go thru the same nightmare. I don’t wish that on no one, not even my nemesis Isaiyas. Azeb tells me I was impossible to live with. I believe her. I vowed it would never happen again. It took four years of preparations to guarantee a sure victory. I have upgraded the art of dictatorship to a higher level.

Well, here you go buddy this is my blueprint for a successful election. I gave the same advice to your predecessor (remember the Supreme Court decision regarding vote counting in Florida, let us just say I played a little part…wink) but I charged him for it. For you my black friend it is free. Don’t tell Aiga I called you a friend.

I notice you have only two major parties. What kind of choice is that? Here in this nameless place I have organized over fifty. Of course all are subsidiary of TPLF but no one has to know. They are organized as ethnic group based on birth or language. My own cadres change their names and are put in charge until we produce local cadres schooled by TPLF to take over. We were lucky to recruit and train Amhara and Oromo cadres during the time in the field. They are serving with distinction. I am sure you will not have any problem forming one party per state and a few more based on gender and color. In America you got homosexual and trans gender people what ever that is, so go ahead create a party for them too. The more the better. It impresses the ferengis.

Your biggest challenge will be the media. Here (nameless place) I solved that problem in a creative manner. First I amended the definition and requirement of owning means of communication. I created a few of my own and last but not least I have the unruly editors eliminated or exiled. The Reporter is my flagship publicatioion. This might not work for you so another solution is needed. Blackmail and extortion might be more appropriate in your case. I have what is called ‘Musina Commission’. Their office is next door to mine. Here is where I collect all information. Information is power. I am aware you can’t exile your opposition but you sure can blackmail them.

There is also the problem of having your own security. I understand you can’t ask the FBI to do some of the dirty work required to safe guard the smooth operation of the constitutional order. I suggest creating your own force. Federal police and Agazi force has been a lifesaver for me. Your system has all this separation of power and accountability foolishness built into it. I say to you, go around it my dear Barrack. There is nothing empowering like having your own private militia. May I suggest importing some Kenyans from your father’s tribe? They will be loyal to you and most of all since they don’t speak the language there is less chance of contamination. Believe me you will have all these Senators and Representatives cowering in front of you. I know you will drool over a few of my pets here in Arat Kilo. My new addition to the manger has already shown promise of consideration for the presidency after the elections. I am satisfied with his performance both in Mekele and Bahr Dar.

Last but not least let us talk about elections. Remember they do have elections in China and Russia, you see my friend it is just a matter of definition. I suggest you use your new security to kidnap some of the opposition candidates, co-opt a few and jail others until the election is over. Needless to say you should have boxes and ballots processed and ready to be unveiled the evening of the election. I hate to say it but we were caught unprepared during our last election. It took us over six months to reprint and recount. Foreign observers are a curse. Avoid them at all cost. If at all possible demand observers from friendly regimes. I have already put my request for Zimbabwean, Nigerian, and Uzbek observers. Of course we have trained our own observers too. Most wouldn’t find the door in a studio apartment. Sweet.

I have noticed that you address your people with respect and heap all kinds of praise on your subjects. That is a definite no, no. There is nothing they love more than being degraded. It is always a good idea to humiliate them. The more you trample on them the bigger their respect for you. Fear is what humans understand. A leader should be feared. Love is for sissies. I suggest you manufacture a few incidents and use your security forces to show who the boss is. Inter ethnic, inter state or inter faith crisis is what is required to present yourself as a lifesaver. By all means encourage strife and show up to save the day. It is too bad you can’t invade Canada or Mexico. There is nothing like war to rally your subjects around you. Afghanistan is too far. What the heck go ahead and invade Mexico. Illegal alien threat is a good excuse to wave in front of your people.

There are a few kinks I have been tackling with Berket during our daily ‘bercha’. I could arrange a shipment of the best Harar or Yergachefe Kat if you are open to the idea. I find the experience enriching and Berket swears that I come up with the best ideas during our afternoon session. Anyway we still have not figured out what to do in case of a few misguided souls complaining after the election. I doubt I can get away with a little violence like the last time. Thanks to your liberal friends killing a few is not in fashion anymore. Despotism is not what it used to be.

I am a little worried about this renegade group called G7. Despite my request to have their leader deported back, your justice department has ignored me. May be you can intervene on behalf of your new friend. While you are at it could you talk to Gordon Brown and mention the other G7 terrorist in London. I will be indebted to you. Tell you what my friend I have a few well-respected torturers that I will be willing to lend you for your new security. They have impeccable credentials and have served in North Korea and Zimbabwe with distinction. Well Barrack I wish you good luck and please don’t hesitate to call me. I know the circuits are busy but you never know.

Meles Zenawi

TPLF chairman


Prime Minster of name less place

Defense Minister

Finance Minster

NEPAD Chairman

P.S.- Please give my regards to Michelle and Azeb profoundly apologizes for that little incident in Pittsburgh. I promise not to bring her during the next G20 meeting. I know you will help me with the invite. I promise to behave and not follow you around for a Kodak moment. XoXo.

    | #1

    I have a doubt that the letter from Meles to Obang is real. Is it not fictional narratives that Yilma Bekele had assembled from whatever source? How Meles (whether we like it or not as a head of state) addressed such letter to an individual? What is the task of Ethiopian Embassy if not handled such communication channel? To beleive that thearticle was true, why not the writer post the actual copy of the letter so that we will see the signatur of Meles or the messages as a whole? As the late Ronald Regan said, “trust but verify….”. we need verifcation or proof on the matter. Secondly, why not Mr. Obang himself reveal to the media rather than Mr. Yilma? Still we need to know the fact beyound doubt.

  2. Alubalta
    | #2

    This is a very nice fictional invention, At first I thought I was following your lead, sudenly I lost track of you. In any case this is the type of informative ideas we need.It will keep most people engegad and focused on their task.

  3. DAWIT
    | #3

    here is my 2 cantim taught on this.

    Meles said somewhere that the reason he has all Tigreans heads in all department of Woyane land is because he wants to create a sustainable environment, stable state and government so that transitons won’t be a typical caos.
    In other words, you don’t change a horse in the middle of a race. He rode the woyane horse, until the dust settles he can’t get jump out of that horse. Remember, Kenijit after they won the election considered putting Woyane in trial. That’s after Woyane gave them the platform to election and win. That means the dust didn’t settle. Meles needs folks to at least thank for the platform and agree immunity to the creater of the platform.

  4. DAWIT
    | #4

    “You don’t change a horse in the middle of a race” .

    I read somewhere recently, that Meles said to the tune that the reason he has all Tigrean heads in all department of Woyane controlled land is because he wants to create a sustainable environment; in other words, a stable state and government so that future transitions won’t be a typical third world chaos.

    Putting it differently, he rode the woyane horse to come to power, it’s too late to undo that. Therefore, until the dust settles he can’t jump out of that horse at this moment.

    Remember, Kenijit after they won the election in 2005, it considered putting Woyane in trial. Wow! Are you kidding me? That’s after Woyane gave them the platform to the election to win. You know what “Woyane learns from their mistakes all the time” right? The opposition action/feeling revealed to Meles the dust didn’t settle. Folks (ginbot 7 included) to at least need to thank for the platform he created and agree full immunity for all crime committed.

  5. Anonymous
    | #5

    ምንድን ንው

  6. atuba dolla
    | #6

    Robbers invaded Ethiopia;murdered citienz,looted resources,and built illegal business empire.That is the sory.Rbbery needs planning like any other criminal activities;so did Zinawi put everything in place to continue looting and murder.

  7. Aklile Mezemir
    | #7

    Good Job Yilma,
    You are a champion for the truth. Keep it up.

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